Convoluted

There are phases when everything seems to be convoluted and you are not able to come out of the intricacy involved in them. Things that matter most to me- My Career , obviously I live for it,  is in a dubious state. I understand that with time this dubiousness will subside because I will work for it. I am endowed with the belief that if you have the spirit to fight then you ought to succeed some or the other day.

Apart from this there are things that matter to me and even if I try a lot moving away from them so that they do not matter to me, I become helpless. It happened to me that to whom I bestowed with extraordinary care in my life was the one who did not deserve an iota of it even. Every time , I just punish myself and live in a state of anguish. But what help does that do to me ?  I 'll conquer my helplessness someday. But, when that day will come ? When I had just two days time to be with my dear parents, why the hell I took time to waste upon someone who really don't care. My expectation may be high. But, did I deserve such cold and indifferent behavior ? Yes, I did. After all, you yourself are responsible for every convolutedness in your life. 

It happens sometime that when life seems to be entangled and you are not able to straightened out things, then you feel like ending the very source of it. If not the source then you may feel like ending the life itself. But, that's what a coward must do to his life. I agree to that. But, seriously I cannot help letting such thoughts vanish all of a sudden. It is at such convoluted situations, your faith plays a substantial role of binding things together for you.I am lucky to have my faiths surviving all through such phases of life.